My Right Hand

The default position of my right hand is a loosely closed fist with the thumb slightly tucked in. My wrist is a bit cocked back. Why is it so? Apparently there are some tiny muscles in the forearm that control the fingers. Mine are perpetually stimulated due to some bad wiring in the connection between hand and brain. This causes the fingers to be pulled in to the palm.

The tightness is progressively worse from thumb and forefinger to pinky. With a little time and effort I can extend my forefinger most of the way or give a half-cocked thumbs-up.

The last three fingers defy control almost entirely.

If I pry my fingers open using the other hand, they will remain mostly extended for a few minutes. It helps to have my wrist bent downward.

Inevitably, though, the force of the overactive muscles overcomes the fingers, and they return to the clenched position.

As you can imagine typing is rather problematic. I used to touch type around 60 words per minute. I still touch type with my left hand, but I hunt and peck with the forefinger of my right hand. On bad days when my muscles are especially tight or the pain is bad I hold a pencil in my right hand instead.

You might be able to see a callus near the nail of my ring finger. This has formed from pushing my wheelchair using the closed fist. It can be rather difficult getting momentum without being able to grab hold of the push rims. Stopping or slowing down on hills can also be problematic.

There is another callus on the side of my index finger where my thumbnail continually presses into it. My thumb used to always tuck into the closed fist, but the nail was getting discolored and slightly deformed so I have made an effort to keep it out as much as possible.

It's easy to make fun of people who don't have control of their bodies. Heaven knows I did it enough myself. What I have learned, however, is just how frustrating it can be for simple tasks- grabbing a glass or buttoning a sleeve- to be difficult or impossible because of the non-responsiveness of the body. I realize that I look funny at times and don't blame people if they find it humorous, but try to remember that living with such a situation really is not fun, and forgive me if I don't shake your hand.